I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize