I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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