I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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