Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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