I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize