i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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