Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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