I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize