New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize