So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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