You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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