Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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