proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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