probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize