I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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