I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize