let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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