he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
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Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dear god my vagina.
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