My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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