He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize