I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
4 words: hood of his car
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize