Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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