I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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