I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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