youre lurking in front of me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize