how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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