We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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