So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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