So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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