put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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