okay pat passed out under dana's car
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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