What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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