your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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