I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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