If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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