This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize