Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Never joke about your clitoris.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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