she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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