I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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