my sisters under your porch take her home
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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