Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize