Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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