I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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