Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize