I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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