this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize