Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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