I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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