There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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