Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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